#001 [voice]

[stocksavvy]

Good morning!

[That is an awfully chipper voice to hear on the 'Gear this fine day. She goes on,] I will admit, when I first arrived here the other day following a -- rather unfortunate incident at home, I was rather skeptical about this quaint little place. I said to myself, oh, where are all the buildings? Where is my office? Where is all the blood? Where are all the -- [Her voice chokes up a bit.] -- where are the Pony Petting Stations™ ? So strange! So different. But strange and different isn't always bad! No, no, we at StrexCorp have learned to embrace change. We love it! We love it so much. So much, in fact, that now, whenever I see something new and different, I just want to take it.

[A pause.]

Yes! This will certainly make a wonderful new asset to StrexCorp's ever expanding corporate territory. Although I have yet to find anyone who can tell me where I could possibly purchase the lease! But there's no need to fear, all you little people out there -- all you listeners!  Rest assured that I will be successful soon.

Goodbye for now!

Comments

[Voice]

[unfulfilledstrex]

Perhaps it would be best if take things a little more slowly Lauren. I of all people surely enjoy the rush of productivity, but things are a bit different here. Good to see Strex is making it's choices well when delivering desirable packages to this unclaimed universe. Where would we be without you Lauren....

[Voice]

[stocksavvy]

[Well look who it is. Her wonderful coworker. Great. Wonderful.]

Kevin.

So good to see you! It's wonderful to know that I wasn't sent to this bizarre world entirely on my own.

Have you been here long? [And if you have, WHY HAVEN'T YOU TAKEN OVER THIS REGION, KEVIN? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD FOR. UGH. Lauren has to do EVERYTHING herself.]

[Voice]

[unfulfilledstrex]

Nearly a month, I'd say close to 4 weeks now. I just reached Violet City and that means a bit farther from you...10 days to be exact. Unfortunate, yes, but I'm sure you can manage on your own. Such a great Vice President of our wholesome Strex will be sure to do well on her own. I do hope you survive.

[He is on his way to investigate that Radio Tower while you are sitting on your ass wondering where YOU are! Get a move on!]

[Voice]

[stocksavvy]

[She has a VERY important scientist to keep an eye on. Settle the fuck down.]

A whole month! Such a bizarre thing time is, considering I was just with you in the Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area only a day or so ago! Pesky time. Really ought to be put in its place, don't you agree?

But regardless. There are more cities here, you say? What have you learned about them thus far?

[text]

[preybeforemeals]

[...Well, this is interesting, isn't it. Fortunately (...at least, he's fairly sure it's fortunate), Tsukiyama has had conversations with one of StrexCorp's resident hot messes - enough to give him some idea of what's going on, anyway.]

Another blissful servant of the Smiling God, I see! A pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Hopefully someone has explained your situation...? If not, I'm more than willing to do so, though it sounds like you're taking it far better than most here do upon arrival.

[text]

[stocksavvy]

[Oh! Text messaging! At least this place is somewhat modern.

Lauren responds in kind.]

Yes! :^) Although I'm not sure what you mean by "another", as all living beings are subject to His great influence. Some just don't know it yet! ;^P

YOU seemed to be an enlightened individual, however! GOOD! It's lovely to meet your acquaintance as well, I am VERY sure.

Oh! Yes! That would be most helpful!
You see, while I am not one to question the actions of the Smiling God, nor would question any order given by Him for me to follow, at all, nope, never, I AM a bit...confused. I received no such memo for time skipping or trans-dimensional traveling on my desk this morning, and I worry that perhaps being sent here has set me off schedule! Which is a BIIIIIG no-no for the work-conscious employee! And not an example I'd like to set for other members of our company, and our community.

Any information you can provide as to WHY I may here would be JUST lovely!

[preybeforemeals]

[ohhhhhhh dear sweet jesus this is going to be a party, let's see if he can work out how to word this in a way she's going to like.]

Ah, no offense meant by the "another" - I've been enlightened, however, with regards to His great glory and influence by another employee of StrexCorp. He goes by the name of Kevin (he made it very clear to me that it was "just Kevin", so if there's a surname I should be aware of or something else that I should be calling him, I do apologize in advance!) and he's told me quite a bit regarding the Smiling God; he's done rather well in spreading His word, and he really should be commended for it, as it's made quite the impact in my life.

[...In case she's shown up displeased with Kevin for whatever reason - not that he thinks she has, but in case - hopefully that'll mitigate a little...given that Tsukiyama does like the guy.]

Unfortunately, I don't know that I can give you any information regarding "why" - it seems none of us here have figured it out yet, and the Smiling God has yet to offer guidance. However, I can assure you that everything is as you left it in Desert Bluffs; due to the trans-dimensional travelling that you've already mentioned, the time-skipping seems to have some far-reaching effects - namely, no time will pass for you back home. There won't be anything deterring your efficiency back home, regardless of how long you stay here; everything will progress as it should once you return. Which works in our favor, because it seems no one has figured out how to actually leave this place yet.

In the meantime, there are many ways to be productive here, and I've no doubt that a person such as yourself will be able to find and utilize them to the best of your ability; may I ask for your name, for curiosity and politeness' sake?

[VOICE] also I'm sorry in advance

[deaftly]

...Stretched core?

[What a wonderful greeting. Naki just sounds confused as opposed to worked up, so at least there's that.

...And "stretched core" = "StrexCorp" apparently, Naki's just deaf as hell.]

Why the fuck would you name your organization "stretched core", that's just embarrassing.

[Not that he can really talk. "Aogiri Tree" isn't really all that impressive...]

Are you new here?

[voice; UR FINE]

[stocksavvy]

STREX-corp. Say it with me now! S-t-r-e-x. Say it with me three times! Five times! As many times as you need to get it right. Go on, don't be shy.

[She doesn't even bother answering his queston. Why should she give him the time of day if he CAN'T EVEN PRONOUNCE STREX RIGHT?]

[deaftly]

Don't treat me like a fucking kid!!

[Naki pauses for a moment, but when he speaks up again he doesn't sound quite as riled.]

"StrexCorp" doesn't really make any more sense. What the fuck's a Strex??

text;

[ossifragant]

[You know, he'd completely ignored it when Kevin showed up, because what do you even do with something like that? Now that there's two people here rambling about Stretch-whatever, he's suddenly found himself with the perverse desire to poke at things more.

So this'll go well.]

People are just lining up to take this place over, aren't they?

You're going to have to beat out the competition, doll.

text;

[stocksavvy]

Oh?

Please do tell me more. I just LOVE hearing all about our business competitors. :-)

text;

[ossifragant]

Ah, I'm not going to name names, you understand. Where's the fun in that?

But there's a police force here, and there's a group who likes to cause trouble. I've heard a few people are interested in taking this place over, too. To be honest, I don't care too much who tries.

I'm just interested in seeing if anyone succeeds.

[voice]

[ajustcaws]

Well... I don't know about stations, but you can catch your own pony and pet it all you like! I'm not really sure where you find 'em but they're not too hard to find.

...but I don't think you should try to take this place over! That's villain talk, that is.

[voice]

[stocksavvy]

[Villain talk! HAH. Who does she think Lauren is. Lauren is an angel.]

Oh, goodness, no! A villain is the LAST thing I want to be! I'm simply a hard-working employee looking out for what's best for our company and our Smiling God. I only hope I can share such glory and purpose with all you little people here, in, er...

...what is the name of this. Country, is it? State? This map is not very helpful!

[voice]

[ajustcaws]

Oh! Well, I guess that's not too bad, then. I don't think I've heard of a Smiling God, but as long as he isn't an evil dragon I guess he's probably alright!

[Smiling is always nice, right?]

...and, uh, I have no idea. It's a "region," I think? That's what I always hear them called!

text

[fourleafcleaver]

The lease to what? New Bark Town? I'm not sure anyone there is actually connected with reality at all. Did you meet the lady who said she was your mom? Yeah, if anyone there understood the idea of a lease, I don't actually think it would be worth it to own New Bark Town even if you could.

text

[stocksavvy]

While I suppose that would be a place to start, I honestly had much BIGGER plans in mind!

If I'm understanding correctly, there's more than one city to be found here, correct? Ooooh, the possibilities are just ENDLESS!

text

[fourleafcleaver]

Yeah, I don't think they're gonna let you buy the whole country. I'm pretty sure this all counts as a country? Whatever. But that's probably not how it works.

[Audio]

[stitchedupbodyguard]

Wha....

[You just said a lot of words, and Veronica is not sure if they actually meant anything.]

You're going to try to... claim this place for your company?

[Audio]

[stocksavvy]

Oh, no no no! I'm not laying claim to anything. I am proposing a perfectly legal, honest sale of property. [Everything is above the table with Lauren! No tricks here.]

[Audio]

[stitchedupbodyguard]

[....Well that's not ominous in her opinion at all.]

Uh huh. I'm sorry, but that's going to be very difficult. Things work differently here then.... wherever you came from.

[Video]

[garbagechild]

<sub>[Wrath has... literally no idea what half of what this lady is talking about is.]

[But he heard that smalltext question! And it's the only one that made sense to him! SO HERE HE IS TO ANSWER IT!]</sub>

The blood is all in people!

Like, in.

Inside.

[Video]

[stocksavvy]

[What an interesting child.]

...yes! You're absolutely right. Unless, of course, you are a machine or a bio-machine, upon which your blood will be replaced by cold, lifeless oil and gelatinous matter that seems like blood, as per company regulations.

It also makes for excellent decor!

[Video]

[garbagechild]

<sub>[Wrath is QUITE an interesting child.]

[He ticks his head to one side, inquisitively.]</sub>

Machines have electricity in them too, usually. And little tubes.

But no, they're not as pretty as blood. Blood is good. Skin, too. I'd rather have those than be a machine.