stocksavvy: (▲UGH.)
Friends and listeners, it would appear we have an epidemic on our hands!

[Lauren seems...not all that worried, but also seems a little irritated. You can hear her foot tapping irritably in the background, with some muffled Pokemon sounds to go along with it.]

It was just awful! My wonderful travelling companion, who was just a delight to be around, simply...collapsed! Just like that! Isn't that strange? And it certainly isn't one of our routine corporate audits, that's for sure -- there wasn't even any blood!

And, what would you know, I head into town to find my fellow worker and co-host, who had so graciously offered me his home to stay in...only to find him fast asleep as well! [Such laziness will be properly punished once the buffoon wakes up.]

I would expect that sort of unprofessional behavior from, oh, you know...your typical citizens and, say, ugly scientists, but from my own fellow Stex employee? Tsk. Such a shame.

Well! With that, if anyone has any information regarding this bizarre event, please do let me know! I'd like to avoid such blatant carelessness as much as possible.
stocksavvy: (▲ Aren't you just DELIGHTFUL?)
Good morning!

[That is an awfully chipper voice to hear on the 'Gear this fine day. She goes on,] I will admit, when I first arrived here the other day following a -- rather unfortunate incident at home, I was rather skeptical about this quaint little place. I said to myself, oh, where are all the buildings? Where is my office? Where is all the blood? Where are all the -- [Her voice chokes up a bit.] -- where are the Pony Petting Stations ? So strange! So different. But strange and different isn't always bad! No, no, we at StrexCorp have learned to embrace change. We love it! We love it so much. So much, in fact, that now, whenever I see something new and different, I just want to take it.

[A pause.]

Yes! This will certainly make a wonderful new asset to StrexCorp's ever expanding corporate territory. Although I have yet to find anyone who can tell me where I could possibly purchase the lease! But there's no need to fear, all you little people out there -- all you listeners!  Rest assured that I will be successful soon.

Goodbye for now!

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Lauren Mallard

May 2015

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